My last update was posted February 3, 2013. One month to the day after Patty died. I have struggled with even the simplest things. I'm trying to pick this blog back up, to get back into the habit of writing. The next several posts will likely be as much therapy for me as anything else. The first anniversary of my upside down life is approaching and I'm struggling to be in the present. Because of the way my mind works, I can't NOT remember what happened last year. I don't want this Christmas season to be overshadowed by last year. I'm hoping that writing will help me find some light in the midst of the shadows.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
A very personal post
This is perhaps the most personal thing I have posted, here or anywhere. It is the reason for my absence from this site for the last year.
I have not posted with any regularity for quite some time, but my absence for the last year has been due to some very difficult personal circumstances. A few weeks after my last post, my youngest brother took an overdose of prescription and over-the-counter medications, which resulted in his being hospitalized. I spent a weekend with him at the hospital because my parents were unable to be there for him. My father had had a mild stroke in November 2011, he was recovering nicely up until my brother's unfortunate incident. A couple of weeks later, Dad was in the coronary care unit. After about 10 days in the hospital, he went home with hospice care. He died on March 13. The next couple of weeks were a blur. I've made numerous trips to check on Mom in the last year. I helped my youngest brother move in with Mom. I got behind at work and finally managed to get caught up (mostly).
In October, my wife was let go from the bank where she had worked for almost 27 years. It was yet another difficult and stressful time. Fortunately, shortly after she was let go, there was an opening posted for a bookmobile manager for the local library. Her dream had always been to work at the library. She applied and was hired, beginning work there the first of November. For the next six weeks she was the happiest she had been since we married.
On Monday morning, December 17, my world turned upside down. We were getting up for work, like any normal Monday morning. I got up first and went downstairs, ten or fifteen minutes later, I heard my wife call out. I rushed upstairs to find her standing at the foot of the bed, leaning against the bed. The right of side of her face was drooping and she could not move her right arm. I called 9-1-1, helped her into the stroke position, went downstairs to make sure the EMS personnel would be able to enter the house , and rushed back to her side. She was taken to the local hospital, where she remained for a short time, before being transferred to the larger regional medical center, some thirty miles away. That afternoon, we were informed she had a five centimeter lesion in the parietal region of her brain which had likely caused the stroke symptoms and four smaller lesions in other parts of her brain. We were told there were also numerous spots in her lungs and a mass on her left adrenal gland. These, we were told, were indicative of metastatic melanoma. Prior to this point, we had no clue she was in anything other than perfect health.
She had surgery to remove the larger lesion, and immediately began to regain her speech. Within a couple of weeks she was in a rehabilitation hospital showing daily progress toward recovery from the stoke symptoms. From all appearances, we were on the long road to stroke recovery and preparing to do battle with the cancer that threatened her life. Then it happened. I left to run a few errands while she waited another thirty minutes to go to physical therapy. When they came to get her for therapy, as they stood her up, she collapsed and within minutes had coded. I was summoned to the emergency room, and waited for what seem an eternity for the doctor to come out. His first words were, "I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances..."
My life since then has been nightmarish. It's been a month, as of today. I know at some point it will get better. I've had a difficult week. I've washed the clothes she wore before she fell ill, donated some of her pants to a resale shop, washed the sheets from the bed, removed her personal items from her vehicle (which I won't be able to afford to keep). [I don't know if I could drive it again if I did keep it. I was driving her vehicle the day she died.] I wake up at night and I don't see her form in the bed next to me... then I realize that I won't. Ever. So, I roll over, try to put that thought out of my mind, and go back to sleep. Everything here reminds me of her. This was our home, it was where we made our life together. Now, that life is over. I am doing all I can to go on. This post is part of my grief process, part of my attempt to recover something resembling life. I know I cannot live in the past, and I know, somehow, I have to find a way forward from here.
I have not posted with any regularity for quite some time, but my absence for the last year has been due to some very difficult personal circumstances. A few weeks after my last post, my youngest brother took an overdose of prescription and over-the-counter medications, which resulted in his being hospitalized. I spent a weekend with him at the hospital because my parents were unable to be there for him. My father had had a mild stroke in November 2011, he was recovering nicely up until my brother's unfortunate incident. A couple of weeks later, Dad was in the coronary care unit. After about 10 days in the hospital, he went home with hospice care. He died on March 13. The next couple of weeks were a blur. I've made numerous trips to check on Mom in the last year. I helped my youngest brother move in with Mom. I got behind at work and finally managed to get caught up (mostly).
In October, my wife was let go from the bank where she had worked for almost 27 years. It was yet another difficult and stressful time. Fortunately, shortly after she was let go, there was an opening posted for a bookmobile manager for the local library. Her dream had always been to work at the library. She applied and was hired, beginning work there the first of November. For the next six weeks she was the happiest she had been since we married.
On Monday morning, December 17, my world turned upside down. We were getting up for work, like any normal Monday morning. I got up first and went downstairs, ten or fifteen minutes later, I heard my wife call out. I rushed upstairs to find her standing at the foot of the bed, leaning against the bed. The right of side of her face was drooping and she could not move her right arm. I called 9-1-1, helped her into the stroke position, went downstairs to make sure the EMS personnel would be able to enter the house , and rushed back to her side. She was taken to the local hospital, where she remained for a short time, before being transferred to the larger regional medical center, some thirty miles away. That afternoon, we were informed she had a five centimeter lesion in the parietal region of her brain which had likely caused the stroke symptoms and four smaller lesions in other parts of her brain. We were told there were also numerous spots in her lungs and a mass on her left adrenal gland. These, we were told, were indicative of metastatic melanoma. Prior to this point, we had no clue she was in anything other than perfect health.
She had surgery to remove the larger lesion, and immediately began to regain her speech. Within a couple of weeks she was in a rehabilitation hospital showing daily progress toward recovery from the stoke symptoms. From all appearances, we were on the long road to stroke recovery and preparing to do battle with the cancer that threatened her life. Then it happened. I left to run a few errands while she waited another thirty minutes to go to physical therapy. When they came to get her for therapy, as they stood her up, she collapsed and within minutes had coded. I was summoned to the emergency room, and waited for what seem an eternity for the doctor to come out. His first words were, "I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances..."
My life since then has been nightmarish. It's been a month, as of today. I know at some point it will get better. I've had a difficult week. I've washed the clothes she wore before she fell ill, donated some of her pants to a resale shop, washed the sheets from the bed, removed her personal items from her vehicle (which I won't be able to afford to keep). [I don't know if I could drive it again if I did keep it. I was driving her vehicle the day she died.] I wake up at night and I don't see her form in the bed next to me... then I realize that I won't. Ever. So, I roll over, try to put that thought out of my mind, and go back to sleep. Everything here reminds me of her. This was our home, it was where we made our life together. Now, that life is over. I am doing all I can to go on. This post is part of my grief process, part of my attempt to recover something resembling life. I know I cannot live in the past, and I know, somehow, I have to find a way forward from here.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
My Pagoclone Replacement
I was one of the participants in the final testing of pagoclone (which was in trials to determine its efficacy in the treatment of persistent development stuttering in adults) prior to its withdrawal after the trials were ended in November 2010. I was chosen for the trial because, even at the age of 54, my stuttering was severe enough to interfere with my enjoyment of life.
I was taking several different herbal supplements prior to the trial, but suspended their usage for the duration of the trial, so as not to taint the study results. None of the supplements I had been taking had ever had any effect on my stuttering. I had a SpeechEasy device which I had used for about 5 years. I stopped using it during the trial as well.
For me, the pagoclone was very effective in dramatically lessening the frequency and severity of my stuttering. In fact, the pagoclone worked better for me than the SpeechEasy had. I had some minor difficulty with the SpeechEasy, not so much with my fluency as with the sensation of hearing delayed and frequency altered sounds in my left ear while my right ear was hearing things in real time. The pagoclone, for me, was wonderful. I was told when I was selected for the study that I would continue to get the drug once the trial had ended up until the time the drug either went to market or was withdrawn. When I was informed four weeks ahead of the end of the trial that the drug was going to be withdrawn, I was distraught. It had worked so well for me. There had been noticeable improvements in my fluency and I had gotten a tremendous amount of encouragement from co-workers and peers who were excited by the noticeable improvement.
Facing the end of the pagoclone supply in a matter of weeks, I went on a desperate search for something that would deliver a comparable result. It was a depressing search. There has never been a drug to effectively treat persistent stuttering, so there was no good place to start. I remembered, though, how the researchers had been alerted to the possible efficacy of pagoclone for stuttering by an anecdotal report from one of the physicians in a previous study of pagoclone as an anxiolytic agent. The results of the study were not as promising as had been hoped in the anti-anxiety study and Indevus was on the verge of dropping the drug when the potential new use was suggested.
I started looking at herbal supplements that may have mild anxiolytic properties with being overly sedative. I was also looking for something that would have the least amount of known negative side effects. I had experimented with Kava in the past, but had not noticed any significant improvement. I was also aware of some potentially dangerous side effects with Kava. I found several mentions of different psychotropic drugs as possible alternatives, but the potential side effects were, for me, a non-starter.
After several weeks of searching, I finally settled on a regimen that I would begin the day the trial ended. I chose Valerian, a herb that has been used for some time as a sleep aid with good results and minimal side effects, though there is no data on the long term regular usage. The Valerian formulation readily available to me was a 450mg whole root capsule with the direction to take 3 capsules 30 minutes before bedtime. I decided I would take 2 capsules on the same twice a day schedule I had taken the pagoclone. I also resumed taking St. John's Wort twice a day, which I had discontinued during the study.
The results for me have been at least as good as, and quite possibly better than, the pagoclone. For me, that is saying a lot. I am now almost 11 months into the regimen, and it has worked very well. Other than some minor tiredness, I have not noticed any negative side effects. I cannot say for certain whether it is the Valerian alone or the Valerian in combination with the St. John's Wort that is responsible for what actually seems to be an improvement over the pagoclone results.
Of course, the standard disclaimers apply to this post. Nothing herein is meant to diagnose, or recommend treatment for, any condition. You should consult with your physician before starting any supplement regimen. The results mentioned above are purely anecdotal and are not meant to suggest any researched conclusions.
One final note: I am also taking Saw Palmetto Plus from the Vitamin Shoppe. It is at least theoretically possible that one or more ingredients in this supplement may be interacting with the Valerian and/or St. John's Wort.
Another possibly significant variable: I drink a 10-cup pot of black coffee every day. I have done so for almost 30 years. I use about 2 11.5oz bricks of medium roast Colombian coffee every week.
I was taking several different herbal supplements prior to the trial, but suspended their usage for the duration of the trial, so as not to taint the study results. None of the supplements I had been taking had ever had any effect on my stuttering. I had a SpeechEasy device which I had used for about 5 years. I stopped using it during the trial as well.
For me, the pagoclone was very effective in dramatically lessening the frequency and severity of my stuttering. In fact, the pagoclone worked better for me than the SpeechEasy had. I had some minor difficulty with the SpeechEasy, not so much with my fluency as with the sensation of hearing delayed and frequency altered sounds in my left ear while my right ear was hearing things in real time. The pagoclone, for me, was wonderful. I was told when I was selected for the study that I would continue to get the drug once the trial had ended up until the time the drug either went to market or was withdrawn. When I was informed four weeks ahead of the end of the trial that the drug was going to be withdrawn, I was distraught. It had worked so well for me. There had been noticeable improvements in my fluency and I had gotten a tremendous amount of encouragement from co-workers and peers who were excited by the noticeable improvement.
Facing the end of the pagoclone supply in a matter of weeks, I went on a desperate search for something that would deliver a comparable result. It was a depressing search. There has never been a drug to effectively treat persistent stuttering, so there was no good place to start. I remembered, though, how the researchers had been alerted to the possible efficacy of pagoclone for stuttering by an anecdotal report from one of the physicians in a previous study of pagoclone as an anxiolytic agent. The results of the study were not as promising as had been hoped in the anti-anxiety study and Indevus was on the verge of dropping the drug when the potential new use was suggested.
I started looking at herbal supplements that may have mild anxiolytic properties with being overly sedative. I was also looking for something that would have the least amount of known negative side effects. I had experimented with Kava in the past, but had not noticed any significant improvement. I was also aware of some potentially dangerous side effects with Kava. I found several mentions of different psychotropic drugs as possible alternatives, but the potential side effects were, for me, a non-starter.
After several weeks of searching, I finally settled on a regimen that I would begin the day the trial ended. I chose Valerian, a herb that has been used for some time as a sleep aid with good results and minimal side effects, though there is no data on the long term regular usage. The Valerian formulation readily available to me was a 450mg whole root capsule with the direction to take 3 capsules 30 minutes before bedtime. I decided I would take 2 capsules on the same twice a day schedule I had taken the pagoclone. I also resumed taking St. John's Wort twice a day, which I had discontinued during the study.
The results for me have been at least as good as, and quite possibly better than, the pagoclone. For me, that is saying a lot. I am now almost 11 months into the regimen, and it has worked very well. Other than some minor tiredness, I have not noticed any negative side effects. I cannot say for certain whether it is the Valerian alone or the Valerian in combination with the St. John's Wort that is responsible for what actually seems to be an improvement over the pagoclone results.
Of course, the standard disclaimers apply to this post. Nothing herein is meant to diagnose, or recommend treatment for, any condition. You should consult with your physician before starting any supplement regimen. The results mentioned above are purely anecdotal and are not meant to suggest any researched conclusions.
One final note: I am also taking Saw Palmetto Plus from the Vitamin Shoppe. It is at least theoretically possible that one or more ingredients in this supplement may be interacting with the Valerian and/or St. John's Wort.
Another possibly significant variable: I drink a 10-cup pot of black coffee every day. I have done so for almost 30 years. I use about 2 11.5oz bricks of medium roast Colombian coffee every week.
Friday, October 14, 2011
25 Random Things About Me
1. I have a tendency to reveal too much information, which can be a little embarassing and offputting. If I were you, I'd stop reading now before things get weird.
2. What!?! Are you still reading this? RE-read number 1 above and heed the warning.
3. OK. It's your own damn fault. Don't say you weren't warned. If you end up trying to claw your eyes out and wishing you could UN-read something, you have no one to blame but yourself.
4. I have a mild case of Asperger's syndrome. That's my description. My friends (both of them) would swear there is nothing mild about my Asperger's.
5. I don't do very well in social situations. I am really awkward as hell. (see #4)
6. When I was in the first grade, I was being bullied on the school bus by an older boy who threatened to beat me up if I didn't tell him his name. After several minutes of increasing stress and terror, I finally blurted out "Little BoPeep!" ...Fifty years later, his nickname is still BoPeep.
7. I was recently part of a drug trial, testing a drug to treat persistent developmental stuttering in adults. The drug trial ended in November 2010. After the trial was over, I found an alternative herbal regimen that may actually work at least as well and possibly better than the trial drug (which was discontinued).
8. I went to high school with Harry Carson (NFL Hall of Fame, former linebacker for the NY Giants. It was Harry (#53) that Joe Theisman was trying to elude when Lawrence Taylor ended his career). Harry kept me from getting beat up once (though I really didn't deserve it) by announcing: "You leave him alone. That's my friend." I am forever endebted to Harry.
9. I met William Christopher (Father Mulcahy from the TV series M*A*S*H) and Temple Grandin (who was the subject of an HBO bio-pic) at an Autism Society of America conference in Albequerque (July 1992).
10. I have a fairly significant auditory memory deficit which nearly derailed my persuit of a BA degree. I was able to complete the foreign language requirement (I took French, I could read and understand it, but not speak, write or understand the spoken language) by reading a book (printed in France) with questions at the end of each chapter and writing my responses to the questions in English. I passed it with an A.
11. Playing church league basketball in high school, in one game I was tied for the leading scorer on my team and led the team in assists. We lost 119-4. Honestly. We had 5 players and no coach when the game began and we faced a team that had 15 players and 2 coaches. I was one of (maybe) two players on our team who were not stoned. (I don't think my brother was stoned that night.)
12. I didn't date (not actually my choice) during high school. Had my first "real" date (and first "real" kiss!) near the end of my freshman year of college.
13. I used to really enjoy walking in the woods at night without a flashlight or weapon. Especially during a new moon.
14. I taught myself to play guitar as a teenager. (Actually started teaching myself... I've almost got it figured out now. I'm a thumb-picker. Most of what I play nowadays are hymns from the old Broadman Hymnal and a few traditional tunes. The thumb-picking is why the thumbnail and index fingernail on my right hand are longer than the others.)
15. As a freshman in college, I wrote a play for my church youth group with about eight songs included.
16. I wrote songs for about 10 years. The song writing tapered off after I married my muse. That didn't turn out to be nearly as great as I thought it would be.
17. I drove a van for a cigarette vending route for about a year. I was a non-smoker, but became very knowledgeable about cigarettes. Especially the closed date freshness codes.
18. I have shovelled sheep shit. Seriously. The real poop, not some metaphorical crap.
19. I was 22 when I had my first beer. And my first Bourbon, and my first Scotch. (Cue George Thorogood and the Destroyers "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" now.)
20. President Nixon announced to the nation the end of the military draft for Vietnam the night before my 18th birthday. I registered for the draft, took my draft card home, and burned it.
21. I once sold shoes at Thom McAn. (Well, not too many.)
22. I graduated from a Baptist university and a Baptist seminary and was ordained as a Baptist minister. I never served as a Baptist pastor, however, I did serve for a time as a United Methodist pastor. (I was raised in a very religious, very conservative, Southern Baptist family.)
23. I wore a black armband to seminary for a week after the presidential election of 1980. That did not make me popular with the overwhelming majority of my peers. (I dared to blaspheme Reagan their savior).
24. Prior to 1996, I had been continuously employed for over 30 years and never worked more than 36 months in one place. I have been with my present employer for almost 15 years. **(I actually retired with over 27 years, and a total of 30 years with South Carolina!)
25. I met my (second) wife on America Online shortly after the ending separation of my first (muse) marriage. We met IRL about 3 weeks later. It was magic then, and it still is now. (She has since tragically passed, but I have remarried and my current wife is proof that lightening can strike twice! The flame still burns.)
26. I worked one spring (1986) grading writing samples from standardized tests. I worked scoring 3rd grade papers from Texas and 5th grade papers from South Carolina. I also worked on a short project, scoring punctuation on samples from Baltimore City Schools. It may have been the most eclectic and most fun group of people I have ever worked with. Everyone (except for me) either had an MA or MFA in English or writing or an MAT or MEd with certification to teach English. I have an MDiv (with languages), but talked them into letting me take the qualifying exam (that everyone had to pass anyway) and agreeing that if I passed the exam, I should be sufficiently qualified to do the job. I passed the exam and ended up being a "third reader" (each paper was read and scored twice and the scores had to agree... if not, it was read a third time by someone whose scoring accuracy was in the top 10%).
27. I have reduced my coffee consumption to only one pot a day now. There was a time (see above) when I drank about two and a half pots of coffee a day. (I like my coffee strong, hot and black.)
28. I got my driver's license on my sixth attempt to pass the road test. I now teach Defensve Driving.
Yes, I know there 28 things on the list. You will notice, however, the first 3 are not really "about me," so there are only 25 random things about me.
2. What!?! Are you still reading this? RE-read number 1 above and heed the warning.
3. OK. It's your own damn fault. Don't say you weren't warned. If you end up trying to claw your eyes out and wishing you could UN-read something, you have no one to blame but yourself.
4. I have a mild case of Asperger's syndrome. That's my description. My friends (both of them) would swear there is nothing mild about my Asperger's.
5. I don't do very well in social situations. I am really awkward as hell. (see #4)
6. When I was in the first grade, I was being bullied on the school bus by an older boy who threatened to beat me up if I didn't tell him his name. After several minutes of increasing stress and terror, I finally blurted out "Little BoPeep!" ...Fifty years later, his nickname is still BoPeep.
7. I was recently part of a drug trial, testing a drug to treat persistent developmental stuttering in adults. The drug trial ended in November 2010. After the trial was over, I found an alternative herbal regimen that may actually work at least as well and possibly better than the trial drug (which was discontinued).
8. I went to high school with Harry Carson (NFL Hall of Fame, former linebacker for the NY Giants. It was Harry (#53) that Joe Theisman was trying to elude when Lawrence Taylor ended his career). Harry kept me from getting beat up once (though I really didn't deserve it) by announcing: "You leave him alone. That's my friend." I am forever endebted to Harry.
9. I met William Christopher (Father Mulcahy from the TV series M*A*S*H) and Temple Grandin (who was the subject of an HBO bio-pic) at an Autism Society of America conference in Albequerque (July 1992).
10. I have a fairly significant auditory memory deficit which nearly derailed my persuit of a BA degree. I was able to complete the foreign language requirement (I took French, I could read and understand it, but not speak, write or understand the spoken language) by reading a book (printed in France) with questions at the end of each chapter and writing my responses to the questions in English. I passed it with an A.
11. Playing church league basketball in high school, in one game I was tied for the leading scorer on my team and led the team in assists. We lost 119-4. Honestly. We had 5 players and no coach when the game began and we faced a team that had 15 players and 2 coaches. I was one of (maybe) two players on our team who were not stoned. (I don't think my brother was stoned that night.)
12. I didn't date (not actually my choice) during high school. Had my first "real" date (and first "real" kiss!) near the end of my freshman year of college.
13. I used to really enjoy walking in the woods at night without a flashlight or weapon. Especially during a new moon.
14. I taught myself to play guitar as a teenager. (Actually started teaching myself... I've almost got it figured out now. I'm a thumb-picker. Most of what I play nowadays are hymns from the old Broadman Hymnal and a few traditional tunes. The thumb-picking is why the thumbnail and index fingernail on my right hand are longer than the others.)
15. As a freshman in college, I wrote a play for my church youth group with about eight songs included.
16. I wrote songs for about 10 years. The song writing tapered off after I married my muse. That didn't turn out to be nearly as great as I thought it would be.
17. I drove a van for a cigarette vending route for about a year. I was a non-smoker, but became very knowledgeable about cigarettes. Especially the closed date freshness codes.
18. I have shovelled sheep shit. Seriously. The real poop, not some metaphorical crap.
19. I was 22 when I had my first beer. And my first Bourbon, and my first Scotch. (Cue George Thorogood and the Destroyers "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" now.)
20. President Nixon announced to the nation the end of the military draft for Vietnam the night before my 18th birthday. I registered for the draft, took my draft card home, and burned it.
21. I once sold shoes at Thom McAn. (Well, not too many.)
22. I graduated from a Baptist university and a Baptist seminary and was ordained as a Baptist minister. I never served as a Baptist pastor, however, I did serve for a time as a United Methodist pastor. (I was raised in a very religious, very conservative, Southern Baptist family.)
23. I wore a black armband to seminary for a week after the presidential election of 1980. That did not make me popular with the overwhelming majority of my peers. (I dared to blaspheme Reagan their savior).
24. Prior to 1996, I had been continuously employed for over 30 years and never worked more than 36 months in one place. I have been with my present employer for almost 15 years. **(I actually retired with over 27 years, and a total of 30 years with South Carolina!)
25. I met my (second) wife on America Online shortly after the ending separation of my first (muse) marriage. We met IRL about 3 weeks later. It was magic then, and it still is now. (She has since tragically passed, but I have remarried and my current wife is proof that lightening can strike twice! The flame still burns.)
26. I worked one spring (1986) grading writing samples from standardized tests. I worked scoring 3rd grade papers from Texas and 5th grade papers from South Carolina. I also worked on a short project, scoring punctuation on samples from Baltimore City Schools. It may have been the most eclectic and most fun group of people I have ever worked with. Everyone (except for me) either had an MA or MFA in English or writing or an MAT or MEd with certification to teach English. I have an MDiv (with languages), but talked them into letting me take the qualifying exam (that everyone had to pass anyway) and agreeing that if I passed the exam, I should be sufficiently qualified to do the job. I passed the exam and ended up being a "third reader" (each paper was read and scored twice and the scores had to agree... if not, it was read a third time by someone whose scoring accuracy was in the top 10%).
27. I have reduced my coffee consumption to only one pot a day now. There was a time (see above) when I drank about two and a half pots of coffee a day. (I like my coffee strong, hot and black.)
28. I got my driver's license on my sixth attempt to pass the road test. I now teach Defensve Driving.
Yes, I know there 28 things on the list. You will notice, however, the first 3 are not really "about me," so there are only 25 random things about me.
Friday, April 22, 2011
YouTube - Programmer under oath admits computers rig elections
The hearing at which this testimony was delivered was held in 2005 to determine whether or not claims of election rigging were plausible with regard to the presidential election of 2004. Oddly enough, the topic of the hearing was never made a priority by the Department of Justice. The machines in question are the same machines being used in many South Carolina counties. Maybe it's just a coincidence that the Republican Party has become the dominant force in South Carolina politics, but then again, maybe it's not. Perhaps we're not as stupid as we are naive for believing the touch screen voting machines deliver a fair and accurate tally of the intention of the voters.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Fox News Most Distrusted Name In News: Poll
"Fox News was one of only two networks that saw its distrust levels increase from last year's study. Last year, 37 percent of respondents said they didn't trust Fox--a nine-point difference from the 2011 poll."
If people are actually getting wise to the propaganda game that Fox has been playing, maybe there will be a decrease in viewership (and accompanying drop in ad revenues) and an increase in the overall intelligence level of the American public... Nahhh.... something tells me this is just a statistical aberration...”
Fox News Most Distrusted Name In News: Poll
If people are actually getting wise to the propaganda game that Fox has been playing, maybe there will be a decrease in viewership (and accompanying drop in ad revenues) and an increase in the overall intelligence level of the American public... Nahhh.... something tells me this is just a statistical aberration...”
Fox News Most Distrusted Name In News: Poll
Republican Study Group Issues Proposed Budget Cuts
Since the bulk of the cuts would be salaries for the people implementing these programs, what is the plan to address the resulting unemployment, the loss of tax revenues for those left unemployed and cover the unemployment payments to those whose jobs will be cut by the budget reductions? (And we'll forget, for the moment, the impact of the loss of those federal salary dollars on the small businesses around the country where the now unemployed workers once spent their money.)
The primary flaw in GOP plans to cut spending, both at the federal level and at the state level (as far as I have seen) is that they are all shortsighted, and imagine that the problem can be addressed by cutting spending. The fact of the matter is, however, that cutting spending only serves to exacerbate the problem, for the most part. Cutting government spending leads directly to increased unemployment, because government spending is jobs. Not only that, they are some of the best jobs left, since our industrial base has permanently outsourced most of the country's best paying manufacturing jobs.
If Republicans were really serious about addressing the problem, they would own up to the fact that tax rates are unrealistically low, that past tax cuts did not create jobs, that government spending is one of the surest ways to increase employment, and that paying higher taxes to live in a healthier, more prosperous country is actually a good thing. The reality is, the countries with the lowest tax rates are places most of us would not care to live. That is not a coincidence, it is true by design.
Republican Study Group Issues Proposed Budget Cuts
The primary flaw in GOP plans to cut spending, both at the federal level and at the state level (as far as I have seen) is that they are all shortsighted, and imagine that the problem can be addressed by cutting spending. The fact of the matter is, however, that cutting spending only serves to exacerbate the problem, for the most part. Cutting government spending leads directly to increased unemployment, because government spending is jobs. Not only that, they are some of the best jobs left, since our industrial base has permanently outsourced most of the country's best paying manufacturing jobs.
If Republicans were really serious about addressing the problem, they would own up to the fact that tax rates are unrealistically low, that past tax cuts did not create jobs, that government spending is one of the surest ways to increase employment, and that paying higher taxes to live in a healthier, more prosperous country is actually a good thing. The reality is, the countries with the lowest tax rates are places most of us would not care to live. That is not a coincidence, it is true by design.
Republican Study Group Issues Proposed Budget Cuts
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Retracted autism study an 'elaborate fraud,' British journal finds - CNN.com
The Wakefield study, first published in Lancet in 1998, has been widely criticized, soundly debunked and impossible to replicate. The article released today by BMJ officially moves the study from the realm of shoddy research and rash conclusions into the province of intentional fraud.
The motive? Money. Lots of money. First of all, there was the upfront payment of over a half million US dollars from a group of lawyers who hoped to profit from suing vaccine manufacturers, a fact that was conveniently concealed for over five years. Add to that the money he stood to make from his medical "tests" that would form the basis of the law suits and his percentage of the proceeds from litigation, and you have a more than plausible motive for the crime.
Retracted autism study an 'elaborate fraud,' British journal finds - CNN.com
The motive? Money. Lots of money. First of all, there was the upfront payment of over a half million US dollars from a group of lawyers who hoped to profit from suing vaccine manufacturers, a fact that was conveniently concealed for over five years. Add to that the money he stood to make from his medical "tests" that would form the basis of the law suits and his percentage of the proceeds from litigation, and you have a more than plausible motive for the crime.
Retracted autism study an 'elaborate fraud,' British journal finds - CNN.com
Friday, December 31, 2010
Georgia Bill Would Force State Taxpayers To Pay Only In Gold Or Silver
The bright side of this idiocy is the bill was filed in Georgia, not South Carolina... Of course, our state legislature loves to imitate stupid, so I expect a similar bill will be filed here soon.
ThinkProgress » Georgia Bill Would Force State Taxpayers To Pay Only In Gold Or Silver
ThinkProgress » Georgia Bill Would Force State Taxpayers To Pay Only In Gold Or Silver
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
In retrospect...
I have concluded what was for me, a unique experience. I participated in a clinical trial testing the efficacy of pagoclone for the treatment of persistent developmental stuttering in adults. My participation in the study came about largely by chance. Several years ago, I believe it was the fall of 2005, I had learned that a study was being conducted, and I even went so far as to speak to a representative about participating in the study. I decided not to participate at that time, largely because the closest trial site was in Atlanta, a five hour drive away.
I had forgotten about my previous contact when I was contacted about participating a later phase of the study. The earlier phase had suggested promising results, and the next phase was being opened to a larger sample to test the earlier results. I initially agreed to participate in the study in Atlanta, despite the distance. I went so far as to drive to Atlanta for a pre-study screening (to determine that I met the criteria for the study). Two days after the screening in Atlanta, I was contacted by a research firm in Raleigh about participating in the same study there. Since Raleigh was only two and a half hours away, I dis-enrolled in the Atlanta study and enrolled in the Raleigh study.
The initial 32-week phase was conducted as a double-blind placebo controlled study. Participants were divided into three groups. One group would receive .30mg twice a day, another would get .60mg twice a day, and one group would get a placebo. In addition, half of the first and second groups would get a placebo for 12 of the 32 weeks, while half of the placebo group would get .075mg twice a day. Neither the participants nor the investigators were aware of which group individuals belonged to. The efficacy was measured by videoing participants reading from a prepared script and talking to an investigator during office visits. The videos were scored to determine changes in the fluency level of participants. The second phase of the study was a 48-week open label trial.
Although I was never informed, and I have no reason to believe the investigator with whom I worked was ever aware, I judged by the results during the study that during the initial phase of the study that I was definitely getting at least a modest dosage of the drug. I saw a steady and noticeable improvement in my fluency over the first eight weeks of the initial phase and maintained that fluency level until after the second study visit, during the last 12 weeks of the initial phase, my fluency level decreased to baseline. The initial improvement did not result in a complete cessation of stuttering, but reduced the stuttering by more than 90% based on my estimates.
During the second phase of the study, I was receiving .60mg twice a day and the results were consistent with what I had seen in the first part of the initial phase. I was disappointed to learn the study was being suspended and the drug withdrawn at the end of the second phase. I was initially told I would continue to receive the drug until it was released on the market or drug was withdrawn. The results I experienced, while not "a cure," were the closest I have ever been to fluent in my 55 years. That I will miss. A lot.
Among the things I gained from the study was an understanding of the degree of anxiety present in my normal functioning level. Pagoclone was initially developed as an anxiolytic agent, and it was during the anti-anxiety clinical trials that its effect on stuttering was first noted. I suppose I have always known that I was a very anxious person, but since that condition was normal for me, I had no real concept of what it was to be relaxed. I knew my stuttering was worse when I was more anxious, but I stutter when I am "calm," so there was no reason for me to note a "cause and effect" relationship.
I was informed the drug was being withdrawn on my next to last study visit. I started doing some research, but nothing suggested an alternative anxiolytic that may affect stuttering. Prior to the study, I had taken several different herbs on a regular basis. I took St. John's Wort, which I had found to be effective in lifting the mild depression that had been my regular companion. I had used several other herbs, all of which I suspended for the study, but had found nothing which had produced the benefits from the study. One thing I uncovered during my independent research was something noting the classification of Valerian as a anxiolytic. I had used Valerian as an occasional sleep aid and still had some on hand. I decided to try substituting a twice daily dose of Valerian for the pagoclone at the conclusion of the study.
The study has been over for five weeks now, and I have been taking two Valerian capsules twice a day for that time (as I sleep aid, I was taking three capsules thirty minutes prior to bedtime). I can report that so far my fluency is better than it was before the study, but I have not had a real test to be able to measure how nearly the Valerian results approximate the results of the pagoclone. I have ordered another herb that I plan to add to my regimen, as I have some reason to suspect it may improve the Valerian results. I'll report more on my pagoclone replacement experiment after I have the opportunity to gather some more data.
I had forgotten about my previous contact when I was contacted about participating a later phase of the study. The earlier phase had suggested promising results, and the next phase was being opened to a larger sample to test the earlier results. I initially agreed to participate in the study in Atlanta, despite the distance. I went so far as to drive to Atlanta for a pre-study screening (to determine that I met the criteria for the study). Two days after the screening in Atlanta, I was contacted by a research firm in Raleigh about participating in the same study there. Since Raleigh was only two and a half hours away, I dis-enrolled in the Atlanta study and enrolled in the Raleigh study.
The initial 32-week phase was conducted as a double-blind placebo controlled study. Participants were divided into three groups. One group would receive .30mg twice a day, another would get .60mg twice a day, and one group would get a placebo. In addition, half of the first and second groups would get a placebo for 12 of the 32 weeks, while half of the placebo group would get .075mg twice a day. Neither the participants nor the investigators were aware of which group individuals belonged to. The efficacy was measured by videoing participants reading from a prepared script and talking to an investigator during office visits. The videos were scored to determine changes in the fluency level of participants. The second phase of the study was a 48-week open label trial.
Although I was never informed, and I have no reason to believe the investigator with whom I worked was ever aware, I judged by the results during the study that during the initial phase of the study that I was definitely getting at least a modest dosage of the drug. I saw a steady and noticeable improvement in my fluency over the first eight weeks of the initial phase and maintained that fluency level until after the second study visit, during the last 12 weeks of the initial phase, my fluency level decreased to baseline. The initial improvement did not result in a complete cessation of stuttering, but reduced the stuttering by more than 90% based on my estimates.
During the second phase of the study, I was receiving .60mg twice a day and the results were consistent with what I had seen in the first part of the initial phase. I was disappointed to learn the study was being suspended and the drug withdrawn at the end of the second phase. I was initially told I would continue to receive the drug until it was released on the market or drug was withdrawn. The results I experienced, while not "a cure," were the closest I have ever been to fluent in my 55 years. That I will miss. A lot.
Among the things I gained from the study was an understanding of the degree of anxiety present in my normal functioning level. Pagoclone was initially developed as an anxiolytic agent, and it was during the anti-anxiety clinical trials that its effect on stuttering was first noted. I suppose I have always known that I was a very anxious person, but since that condition was normal for me, I had no real concept of what it was to be relaxed. I knew my stuttering was worse when I was more anxious, but I stutter when I am "calm," so there was no reason for me to note a "cause and effect" relationship.
I was informed the drug was being withdrawn on my next to last study visit. I started doing some research, but nothing suggested an alternative anxiolytic that may affect stuttering. Prior to the study, I had taken several different herbs on a regular basis. I took St. John's Wort, which I had found to be effective in lifting the mild depression that had been my regular companion. I had used several other herbs, all of which I suspended for the study, but had found nothing which had produced the benefits from the study. One thing I uncovered during my independent research was something noting the classification of Valerian as a anxiolytic. I had used Valerian as an occasional sleep aid and still had some on hand. I decided to try substituting a twice daily dose of Valerian for the pagoclone at the conclusion of the study.
The study has been over for five weeks now, and I have been taking two Valerian capsules twice a day for that time (as I sleep aid, I was taking three capsules thirty minutes prior to bedtime). I can report that so far my fluency is better than it was before the study, but I have not had a real test to be able to measure how nearly the Valerian results approximate the results of the pagoclone. I have ordered another herb that I plan to add to my regimen, as I have some reason to suspect it may improve the Valerian results. I'll report more on my pagoclone replacement experiment after I have the opportunity to gather some more data.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Most Protestant pastors think Bush, Palin are Christians but not Obama | The Christian Century
Most Protestant pastors think Bush, Palin are Christians but not Obama | The Christian Century
Found this article today on the Christian Century purely by chance. Although I once subscribed to the Christian Century, I haven't been a reader or subscriber for many years. One of my Facebook friends had posted a link to a Christian Century article about a Lifeway (Southern Baptist) online survey indicating that a majority of respondents put family at the heart of their Christmas celebration, not the religious observance. This article was linked on the side of the page under "Related Articles."
A couple of paragraphs from the article stood out:
"Three-quarters of Protestant pastors surveyed called Bush a Christian, followed by 66 percent who included former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the Christian fold. Just 41 percent said they believe Obama is a Christian."
"Stetzer said the responses may indicate that Protestant pastors are more particular than other people when considering who is and is not a Christian. For some pastors, being "Christian" is synonymous with being "born again" or "evangelical," he said."
WHAT?? Excuse me? "Protestant pastors are more particular than other people when considering who is and is not a Christian," and three quarters of them consider George W. Bush Christian? Is this the same man who, as Governor, set a record for the most executions, refusing clemency even when evidence suggested the probability of wrongful conviction? And isn't this the same man who, as President, "bore false witness" to get us into not one, but two ill-advised wars? Is this the same man who approved torture for detainees?
If anyone wonders why I have become disgusted with the state of the church today, consider this "Exhibit A."
Found this article today on the Christian Century purely by chance. Although I once subscribed to the Christian Century, I haven't been a reader or subscriber for many years. One of my Facebook friends had posted a link to a Christian Century article about a Lifeway (Southern Baptist) online survey indicating that a majority of respondents put family at the heart of their Christmas celebration, not the religious observance. This article was linked on the side of the page under "Related Articles."
A couple of paragraphs from the article stood out:
"Three-quarters of Protestant pastors surveyed called Bush a Christian, followed by 66 percent who included former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the Christian fold. Just 41 percent said they believe Obama is a Christian."
"Stetzer said the responses may indicate that Protestant pastors are more particular than other people when considering who is and is not a Christian. For some pastors, being "Christian" is synonymous with being "born again" or "evangelical," he said."
WHAT?? Excuse me? "Protestant pastors are more particular than other people when considering who is and is not a Christian," and three quarters of them consider George W. Bush Christian? Is this the same man who, as Governor, set a record for the most executions, refusing clemency even when evidence suggested the probability of wrongful conviction? And isn't this the same man who, as President, "bore false witness" to get us into not one, but two ill-advised wars? Is this the same man who approved torture for detainees?
If anyone wonders why I have become disgusted with the state of the church today, consider this "Exhibit A."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Using the Google Cr-48
"I arrived home from work yesterday and found an unexpected package on my back porch. Given the time of year, I didn’t dare open the box, even though it was addressed to me. When my wife arrived home, she was as surprised by the package as I was. I opened it to find a Google Cr-48 netbook!
Although I had applied to test the netbook, I had not been notified that I was selected to participate in the testing. My initial excitement waned a bit, however, as I was initially unable to connect to the internet, rendering the netbook unusable. The good news is, the support team was able to help me correct the issue. (A firmware upgrade to my Linksys WRT110 router was required, and after applied all went well.)
I am using the netbook now, my second action using the appliance (the first, of course, was to email the technician who solved the problem.) So far, so good. More about this later."
Although I had applied to test the netbook, I had not been notified that I was selected to participate in the testing. My initial excitement waned a bit, however, as I was initially unable to connect to the internet, rendering the netbook unusable. The good news is, the support team was able to help me correct the issue. (A firmware upgrade to my Linksys WRT110 router was required, and after applied all went well.)
I am using the netbook now, my second action using the appliance (the first, of course, was to email the technician who solved the problem.) So far, so good. More about this later."
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Poor choices? Really?
Here's a news flash Lindsey: It wasn't just Senate candidates where the GOP made some desperately poor choices.
Unfortunately an astounding number of those "poor choices" ended up getting elected, because people who were disgusted with the choices stayed home. So what does the future hold? The "poor choices" will make poor policy decisions and further wreck not only our economy, but our international standing and any semblance of the progress for which so many had hoped. Some day people may realize the consequences of not making the choice among evils and staying home is too high a price to pay.
(Read the referenced article on The Hill: http://bit.ly/hsU1Kk)
Unfortunately an astounding number of those "poor choices" ended up getting elected, because people who were disgusted with the choices stayed home. So what does the future hold? The "poor choices" will make poor policy decisions and further wreck not only our economy, but our international standing and any semblance of the progress for which so many had hoped. Some day people may realize the consequences of not making the choice among evils and staying home is too high a price to pay.
(Read the referenced article on The Hill: http://bit.ly/hsU1Kk)
I'm back...
I've neglected this blog for the last year or so for a variety of reasons. I am back from hiatus (bet you didn't even know I'd left town!).
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Obama Palin Shoe Shining Email Could Get Colorado State Worker In Trouble
I would hesitate to use the "worker" to describe the person who forwarded the email. If there is any "bright" spot in this, it is that the offence took place in Colorado, a state that Obama carried in 2008, and not in one of the southern red states. It shows that racial stereotypes are not the sole property of the South. Of course, if this had happened here in my home state of South Carolina, not only would no one be surprised, but there probably wouldn't have been enough outrage for it make the news. Despite protestations to the contrary, I would posit that most of the opposition to the President's "policies" are race-based. Nothing goes better with a Tea Party than white bread.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Prominent South Carolina Conservative Offers Support For Graham
Lindsey has nothing to worry about in SC. He won't be back on the ballot until 2014. Sadly, he's the closest thing to a Democratic senator that we have at the moment. DeMint does have token opposition for his 2010 campaign, but given the fact that average IQ of SC voters is lower than the average November temperature, I don't see much hope of DeMint departing.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Christian Broadcasting Network Warns Against 'Demonic' Halloween Candy
I attend a very small Presbyterian church. Last Sunday during the 'children's sermon', the pastor told the three children that sugar was a poison. The Sunday School teacher had given each child a bag of candy that morning. Too bad they didn't get the memo about the witches sooner, it could have been really interesting!!
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Monday, October 19, 2009
Keith Bardwell Explains Refusal To Perform Interracial Marriage (VIDEO)
This is the racist attitude: "I'm sorry that I offended the couple, but I did help them and tell them who to go to... I don't see what the problem is now."
I understand him being concerned about the children not being accepted, one of them might become President and end up not being accepted by nearly a third of the country. But that aside, his ignorance is on display with his assumption that an "apology" makes everything alright and leaves him free to repeat the insult over and over again.
He is right about one thing, there is no problem now. The happy couple, in exposing this buffoon, is simply returning his "tell them who to go to" favor by enlisting the support of a few million of their fellow citizens to tell him "where to go."
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Interracial Couple Denied Marriage License By Louisiana Judge
I have a daughter who is in an interracial relationship in Louisiana and this type of stupidity really burns me. I keep hoping that someday the "deep south" will join the civilized world, but apparently not much has changed here in the last 60 years. The only nominal change that has taken place is that the Dixiecrats are now the GOP. Apparently it hasn't dawned on this doofus who the President is, or that his "legal" underpinning was stripped away 40 years ago.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
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