cousin mark

i'm so happy to be living in a state where our governor knows what is best for us and doesn't need to consult with or listen to anyone with regard to spending the president's stimulus money. after all, cousin mark knows the needs of south carolina better than uncle sam.

thanks to cousin mark, south carolina currently has the second highest unemployment rate in the nation. we have been able to achieve this lofty position thanks to his tireless leadership over the last six years. i have no doubt that, given his management skills, south carolina will soon be recognized as having the highest unemployment rate in the country.

when cousin mark took office, south carolina wasn't second in the nation in any category. now, not only are we within shouting distance of the highest unemployment rate, but we have made great strides toward mediocrity in education, and our teen preganacy rate is rising.

we now have fewer highway patrol officers to enforce needless traffic safety laws, so we have a good chance of increasing our highway traffic death toll. since we have been in top three in years past for highest death ratio per mile, registered vehicle and per capita, perhaps we can achieve a trifecta and lead the nation in all three categories there as well.

yes, i am so happy to have cousin mark looking our for us here in the grate state of south carolina, where everyone falls through the cracks, except for cousin mark's wealthy friends and donors.